[Any form of 'sneaking' or 'silent' are not things that Jane would often think to apply to Izō, so when he walks in so quietly and speaks up so softly to announce his presence she knows that the feeling she'd had of something being very wrong was right on the money.
She moves out of the kitchen to join him, looking him up and down as he stands there. Her expression is soft - a little fond, maybe - but concerned, too.]
[ he shrugs, looking awkward until he shoves his hands in his pockets. he's not dressed in his usual clothes which, as it turns out, was unwise because he doesn't even have his scarf to hide behind right now. he needs to stop visiting people dressed like this. ]
Fine, mostly. Sorta the problem, don'tcha think?
[ he's waiting for the balance to be restored and to receive the consequences of his actions. ]
Well, I-- I would think it would be the preferred state of things.
[She's glad to see he's not hurt, so just what has he been up to that has him so out of sorts? Jane frowns, approaching him and - after only a moment of hesitation - places both hands on his shoulders.]
... Let's sit down. I just finished making the tea.
[And then they can... talk, because he surely wouldn't have come here without complaining if he didn't intend to do that, right?]
[ he doesn't look her in the eye, altogether giving off the energy of a kicked puppy. it's been a rough few days. ]
Yeah? A'ight...
[ he sits down where she directs him to, pressing his hands together between his knees to avoid fidgeting with them. this lasts about two seconds. he's tense, but he also sinks into the chair just because he's exhausted. ]
Dunno what t' say. Can't really say much, 'cause I ain't snitchin' on nobody. Only sayin' all that shit what happened, happened 'cause I was one'a the people who fucked up.
[She joins him quickly enough, with two cups of tea and some sugar on a tray. This is set down, then she seats herself next to him and looks him up and down.
Has she ever seen him looking quite so downtrodden? She doesn't think so.]
I'm not going to ask you to, uhm... snitch. [Even if it might be for the best that everyone knows who to watch out for, if someone capable of what had happened is still roaming around... that isn't why she asked him over.]
But I want to know what happened. [Ignoring her tea for now, she takes hold of one of his fidgeting hands.] Izō... what did you do?
[ it's an effort not to pull his hand away and he uses the other to pick at invisible threads on his clothes instead. he does his best to lay out what he knows without revealing too much, explaining about how'd he'd helped with the efforts related to the weird text riddle blast that had gone out earlier. in his limited capacity for explaining these things, it's probably a little confusing, but he does his best. ]
So then this guy said he had this ritual an' needed help makin' it work, 'cause the fae murdered his brother an' it wasn't fair what happened. I ain't real good at makin' that kinda call, so I was jus' happy goin' along with somebody else. Whole thing was bullshit though 'cause it wasn't his brother at all. They said it was this "Fisher King" guy an' now everybody's sufferin' a whole lot 'cause'a me.
[It is confusing when she can't get the whole story out of him, but she supposes that the 'who' doesn't really matter when it comes to telling her... because what is she going to do, really?
Besides, she only really has one concern here. Her friend.]
So you were tricked.
[Though she doesn't necessarily think Izō is the overly trusting type, she knows how he is about... feeling as if he's only really good for one thing. It's a trait that's easy to play on. Even Jane could do it, if she was that kind of person.]
Oh, dear... You have got yourself into a mess, haven't you.
[He definitely looks sorry, which is really most of the reason why she isn't that angry with him. Disappointed? Yes, a little, but that's only to be expected given everything that had happened if he's saying he was directly involved...]
From the sounds of things you don't deserve to be in trouble over this either.
[She gives his hand a small squeeze, holding it cupped between both of hers.]
It isn't cowardice to not want to take the blame for something that wasn't your fault. And this other person... do they know you're trying to take the fall for them?
[Jane says this with a tiny smile, but she can see how this is... hurting him? Has she ever seen him like this? There's always been a brashness about him that is completely missing now.
She always seems to be getting herself into problems that are far too big for her to solve, but that doesn't mean she isn't going to try.]
Don't you think... you've earned the right to think of yourself as more than that? To want to give yourself more than that? [Jane asks him softly, lowering and tilting her head to try and catch his gaze.] I think you're worth more than that, Izō. Maybe that's stupid of me, but I do. You're worth more.
[ izō shakes his head, using the hand he still has free to try and hunker down behind the protective shield of his hair and his scarf like he always does. which only manages to accomplish so much. ]
Fuck. Fuck. Jus' don't fuckin' look..!
[ what he doesn't want her to see is his weakness because he's shown entirely too much of that already, in his opinion. it's not even that he's sad — although that's obviously a part of it — more that it's just too much all at once. her kindness on top of everything else just manages to be more than he can handle when he already feels terribly vulnerable and ashamed. ]
Can't do anythin' right... exactly what I got comin' t'me.
[The pit drops out of her stomach. Is he-- is he crying? She hadn't meant to upset him... But then maybe upset isn't the right word.]
Izō... [Jane says gently, and she lets go of his hand. She lets go of his hand and she dares to shift forwards enough to slip her hands over his shoulders, to brush her fingers into his hair, and she dares to pull the great manslayer Okada Izō's forehead down to her shoulder as she loops one arm around his back and hugs him warmly.]
Hey... everything's going to be all right. [She rubs her hand against his back.] It's going to be okay.
[ this is so much easier when he's a dog. but even if he might want to hide in that form, it takes a little too much concentration to get his magic to work like that right now. so he just has to sit here and accept it because now that the floodgates are open the only thing for it is to let it all out. it's hard to know exactly how long he was holding it all in this time. he's just too sober to be comfortable but then his pride has taken a beating lately, so it amounts to this.
he doesn't fight her because it's pointless. if she's seen this much, is accepting it going to make it worse? maybe. but it's already a bad look. at least it feels... nice. ]
Ain't what I was tryna—... real pathetic lookin', I know.
[ of course, he has to have an explanation for himself. ]
[She lets him get it out because it feels like he needs it, samurai pride and shame be damned. Jane had known from the moment she saw him that whatever had happened was weighing heavily on him but she had not anticipated just how much until now.
Her fingers touch against his hair again, brush over it, then she rests her hand against the back of his head.]
I promise, I don't. I think... you're going through a lot right now, hm?
[Maybe more than he's told her. Getting into a bit of trouble isn't something she would have expected would bother him this much.
She definitely thought he'd resist being comforted.]
Ya seen the sky, ain'tcha? Now everybody can see it all the time, what's comin'. Kids out there'n shit. Ryouma got cursed. People died. I dunno how t' fix it... other'n gettin' the guy who done it.
[ he hasn't been to look at the calamity for a reason. and now he can't not look at it. he lacks the capacity to truly deal with that sort of existential terror at this point.
he's calmer now, but the stress of it makes him shake. or maybe he needs a smoke. or both. ]
Jus' gonna stay outta everybody's way. If somebody wants t' take a shot at me, ain't gonna stop it. Ain't gonna jus' roll over'n die. But I ain't protestin'.
[Ah yes... she has seen the Calamity marking the sky. It's hard to miss it, but she's been trying not to think too hard about what it means. Though with Izo feeling a little calmer she shifts back from him and rests her hands against his forearms instead.]
Now you stop talking like that this instant.
[People 'taking a shot' at him? And he's speaking about it like he wouldn't care if it happened? She looks at him sternly and squeezes her fingers around his wrists.] Stop it, you hear me?
[She won't hear it!]
Now, revenge is certainly a-- a-a viable and tempting option here. [Look, she'd like to punch whoever is behind this in the face as well.] But unfortunately I doubt that it will fix anything, regardless of how satisfying it might be. But you. You will not put yourself up as a target for everyone to blame.
[ at first izō looks like he's going to resist, but jane reiterating it the second time seems to make him feel properly scolded, so he just pouts miserably instead. ]
Sorta late for that. Didn't show m' face, but I ain't exactly hidin'...
[ he finally looks up again, but that's after he lifts his arm and scrubs his face against his sleeve at some attempt at not looking like such a mess. yeah, that'll work for now. ]
What am I s'posed t' do then? People don't jus' get t' walk over shit like this...
Of course it's too late for that. Of course it is.]
First of all... I think you need to speak to the person you're trying to keep out of it, and find out if they actually want you to take the blame for them like this. [And she will really have words for anyone who is trying to take advantage of Izo's nature like that, Servant or not.]
And then... [She puffs out another sigh and reaches up one hand to fuss at his hair, moving it into some kind of acceptable order after he scrubbed his face like that.] You need to think long and hard about whether or not whoever is really to blame for this is worth your protection.
[Jane would really like to punch them, but she thinks a few other people might get in there with their blades first.]
[ izō droops a little at that first suggestion because he already knows how that conversation is going to go. that's why he hasn't said anything; people can't tell him not to do things if he doesn't mention it. ]
Protectin'? Nah. Jus' wanna find 'im before he knows he's got the whole kingdom on his ass. Ain't gonna be expectin' me.
[ he imagines that he has an edge in being a renowned assassin and all. izō should have anticipated the next question would come, but even if he had it wouldn't make it any easier. ]
Got that one curse what jus' makes whoever has it real angry for no good reason. Couldn't turn it off.
[ jane has talked to ryouma before. izō assumes enough to know what kind of person ryouma is like. he doesn't think he has to elaborate much on why that particular curse was a problem. ]
Perhaps the whole bloody kingdom being on his arse is what he deserves to have happen.
[She mutters this, not really meaning to say it directly to Izo himself.
Huff!
Jane does know Ryouma, it's true, but she isn't sure she can imagine what he might be like under the influence of such a curse. He has always seemed to be so calm and cheerful to her, but... maybe that's part of the problem. And surely he knows Izo well enough to be able to say some very cruel things.]
Mm... [She chafes his forearm lightly.] ... Is that what you're really upset about?
[ having caught that, he might've laughed at any other time. but maybe that tells on him. ]
What're ya sayin'? Upset about all'a it...
[ he's dragging his feet on this again because now they're discussing ryouma and he's not entirely sure how to do that yet. not since—... certain things were said. the last time he'd talked to anyone he'd been ruining kate's liver to avoid the mental anguish. ]
Kept pushin' 'im. I dunno. Think I fucked that up too.
[Jane falls silent, lightly chewing her lower lip. Far be it from her to be giving that kind of advice to anyone when she's only really fumbling through that sort of thing herself... but since when has she ever left well enough alone?]
I know... how much Ryouma cares about you. He really does. [How the man's face lights up when he talks about him, or even just how he talks about him? It's obvious.]
So you should talk to him, too. Because he's going to leave you be until you go to him, right?
[ he's leaned over so much now he might as well be doubled over. this is the worst, arguably, and he just got done crying in front of her. he just would like the ground to open up and eat him. ]
But then we're gonna have t'... y' know...
[ this looks physically painful. ]
I dunno nothin' 'bout relationship type shit. Not sayin' that's what's happenin' jus' sayin' I don't know nothin'. S'all... messy an' shit, I dunno.
[ now he sits up, and folds his arms, sniffling loudly because his face is all red still and he's thoroughly embarrassed about all of this. ]
[Jane pushes one cup towards him and picks up her own, finally. It's still hot enough to drink so she has a mouthful of it as if it might brace her against this entire conversation. At least it's easy enough to pretend she can't see what kind of state he's got himself worked up into, if only for the sake of his bruised pride.]
I'm hardly one to come to for relationship advice. [Given that she's in her first real relationship right now, and she's really just feeling her way through it all.] But I know that when two people who care about each other are hurt, somebody has to make the first move.
[Her smile then, though gentle, is just a little bit wry.]
And I think that on this occasion it might just have to be you.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
cantgetanyworse) wrote2021-03-04 04:14 pm
no subject
She moves out of the kitchen to join him, looking him up and down as he stands there. Her expression is soft - a little fond, maybe - but concerned, too.]
... Are you all right?
no subject
Fine, mostly. Sorta the problem, don'tcha think?
[ he's waiting for the balance to be restored and to receive the consequences of his actions. ]
no subject
[She's glad to see he's not hurt, so just what has he been up to that has him so out of sorts? Jane frowns, approaching him and - after only a moment of hesitation - places both hands on his shoulders.]
... Let's sit down. I just finished making the tea.
[And then they can... talk, because he surely wouldn't have come here without complaining if he didn't intend to do that, right?]
no subject
Yeah? A'ight...
[ he sits down where she directs him to, pressing his hands together between his knees to avoid fidgeting with them. this lasts about two seconds. he's tense, but he also sinks into the chair just because he's exhausted. ]
Dunno what t' say. Can't really say much, 'cause I ain't snitchin' on nobody. Only sayin' all that shit what happened, happened 'cause I was one'a the people who fucked up.
no subject
Has she ever seen him looking quite so downtrodden? She doesn't think so.]
I'm not going to ask you to, uhm... snitch. [Even if it might be for the best that everyone knows who to watch out for, if someone capable of what had happened is still roaming around... that isn't why she asked him over.]
But I want to know what happened. [Ignoring her tea for now, she takes hold of one of his fidgeting hands.] Izō... what did you do?
no subject
So then this guy said he had this ritual an' needed help makin' it work, 'cause the fae murdered his brother an' it wasn't fair what happened. I ain't real good at makin' that kinda call, so I was jus' happy goin' along with somebody else. Whole thing was bullshit though 'cause it wasn't his brother at all. They said it was this "Fisher King" guy an' now everybody's sufferin' a whole lot 'cause'a me.
no subject
Besides, she only really has one concern here. Her friend.]
So you were tricked.
[Though she doesn't necessarily think Izō is the overly trusting type, she knows how he is about... feeling as if he's only really good for one thing. It's a trait that's easy to play on. Even Jane could do it, if she was that kind of person.]
Oh, dear... You have got yourself into a mess, haven't you.
no subject
... Yeah, I—... I guess. Ain't gotta say it like that though...
[ does he look sufficiently sorry? because he sure feels it. ]
There's somebody I don't wanna get in trouble, 'cause it ain't deserved. So if it's on me, it's on me. I ain't a coward!
no subject
From the sounds of things you don't deserve to be in trouble over this either.
[She gives his hand a small squeeze, holding it cupped between both of hers.]
It isn't cowardice to not want to take the blame for something that wasn't your fault. And this other person... do they know you're trying to take the fall for them?
no subject
[ people he knows and actually cares about suffered over this. he can't let himself off the hook that easily.
izō has a harder time owning up to the next question because he does this a lot. taking things on himself without saying so, that is. ]
Probably... not? Ain't like it came up. But that's m' job, 'cause I'm a Servant. It's jus' how it goes. Duty or whatever.
no subject
[Jane says this with a tiny smile, but she can see how this is... hurting him? Has she ever seen him like this? There's always been a brashness about him that is completely missing now.
She always seems to be getting herself into problems that are far too big for her to solve, but that doesn't mean she isn't going to try.]
Don't you think... you've earned the right to think of yourself as more than that? To want to give yourself more than that? [Jane asks him softly, lowering and tilting her head to try and catch his gaze.] I think you're worth more than that, Izō. Maybe that's stupid of me, but I do. You're worth more.
no subject
Fuck. Fuck. Jus' don't fuckin' look..!
[ what he doesn't want her to see is his weakness because he's shown entirely too much of that already, in his opinion. it's not even that he's sad — although that's obviously a part of it — more that it's just too much all at once. her kindness on top of everything else just manages to be more than he can handle when he already feels terribly vulnerable and ashamed. ]
Can't do anythin' right... exactly what I got comin' t'me.
no subject
Izō... [Jane says gently, and she lets go of his hand. She lets go of his hand and she dares to shift forwards enough to slip her hands over his shoulders, to brush her fingers into his hair, and she dares to pull the great manslayer Okada Izō's forehead down to her shoulder as she loops one arm around his back and hugs him warmly.]
Hey... everything's going to be all right. [She rubs her hand against his back.] It's going to be okay.
no subject
he doesn't fight her because it's pointless. if she's seen this much, is accepting it going to make it worse? maybe. but it's already a bad look. at least it feels... nice. ]
Ain't what I was tryna—... real pathetic lookin', I know.
[ of course, he has to have an explanation for himself. ]
no subject
[She lets him get it out because it feels like he needs it, samurai pride and shame be damned. Jane had known from the moment she saw him that whatever had happened was weighing heavily on him but she had not anticipated just how much until now.
Her fingers touch against his hair again, brush over it, then she rests her hand against the back of his head.]
I promise, I don't. I think... you're going through a lot right now, hm?
[Maybe more than he's told her. Getting into a bit of trouble isn't something she would have expected would bother him this much.
She definitely thought he'd resist being comforted.]
It's all right.
no subject
[ he hasn't been to look at the calamity for a reason. and now he can't not look at it. he lacks the capacity to truly deal with that sort of existential terror at this point.
he's calmer now, but the stress of it makes him shake. or maybe he needs a smoke. or both. ]
Jus' gonna stay outta everybody's way. If somebody wants t' take a shot at me, ain't gonna stop it. Ain't gonna jus' roll over'n die. But I ain't protestin'.
no subject
Now you stop talking like that this instant.
[People 'taking a shot' at him? And he's speaking about it like he wouldn't care if it happened? She looks at him sternly and squeezes her fingers around his wrists.] Stop it, you hear me?
[She won't hear it!]
Now, revenge is certainly a-- a-a viable and tempting option here. [Look, she'd like to punch whoever is behind this in the face as well.] But unfortunately I doubt that it will fix anything, regardless of how satisfying it might be. But you. You will not put yourself up as a target for everyone to blame.
no subject
Sorta late for that. Didn't show m' face, but I ain't exactly hidin'...
[ he finally looks up again, but that's after he lifts his arm and scrubs his face against his sleeve at some attempt at not looking like such a mess. yeah, that'll work for now. ]
What am I s'posed t' do then? People don't jus' get t' walk over shit like this...
no subject
Of course it's too late for that. Of course it is.]
First of all... I think you need to speak to the person you're trying to keep out of it, and find out if they actually want you to take the blame for them like this. [And she will really have words for anyone who is trying to take advantage of Izo's nature like that, Servant or not.]
And then... [She puffs out another sigh and reaches up one hand to fuss at his hair, moving it into some kind of acceptable order after he scrubbed his face like that.] You need to think long and hard about whether or not whoever is really to blame for this is worth your protection.
[Jane would really like to punch them, but she thinks a few other people might get in there with their blades first.]
... Is Ryouma all right?
no subject
Protectin'? Nah. Jus' wanna find 'im before he knows he's got the whole kingdom on his ass. Ain't gonna be expectin' me.
[ he imagines that he has an edge in being a renowned assassin and all. izō should have anticipated the next question would come, but even if he had it wouldn't make it any easier. ]
Got that one curse what jus' makes whoever has it real angry for no good reason. Couldn't turn it off.
[ jane has talked to ryouma before. izō assumes enough to know what kind of person ryouma is like. he doesn't think he has to elaborate much on why that particular curse was a problem. ]
Ain't like it was his fault.
no subject
[She mutters this, not really meaning to say it directly to Izo himself.
Huff!
Jane does know Ryouma, it's true, but she isn't sure she can imagine what he might be like under the influence of such a curse. He has always seemed to be so calm and cheerful to her, but... maybe that's part of the problem. And surely he knows Izo well enough to be able to say some very cruel things.]
Mm... [She chafes his forearm lightly.] ... Is that what you're really upset about?
no subject
What're ya sayin'? Upset about all'a it...
[ he's dragging his feet on this again because now they're discussing ryouma and he's not entirely sure how to do that yet. not since—... certain things were said. the last time he'd talked to anyone he'd been ruining kate's liver to avoid the mental anguish. ]
Kept pushin' 'im. I dunno. Think I fucked that up too.
[ everything feels more complicated now. ]
no subject
I know... how much Ryouma cares about you. He really does. [How the man's face lights up when he talks about him, or even just how he talks about him? It's obvious.]
So you should talk to him, too. Because he's going to leave you be until you go to him, right?
[That does... seem to be their dynamic.]
no subject
[ he's leaned over so much now he might as well be doubled over. this is the worst, arguably, and he just got done crying in front of her. he just would like the ground to open up and eat him. ]
But then we're gonna have t'... y' know...
[ this looks physically painful. ]
I dunno nothin' 'bout relationship type shit. Not sayin' that's what's happenin' jus' sayin' I don't know nothin'. S'all... messy an' shit, I dunno.
[ now he sits up, and folds his arms, sniffling loudly because his face is all red still and he's thoroughly embarrassed about all of this. ]
no subject
[Jane pushes one cup towards him and picks up her own, finally. It's still hot enough to drink so she has a mouthful of it as if it might brace her against this entire conversation. At least it's easy enough to pretend she can't see what kind of state he's got himself worked up into, if only for the sake of his bruised pride.]
I'm hardly one to come to for relationship advice. [Given that she's in her first real relationship right now, and she's really just feeling her way through it all.] But I know that when two people who care about each other are hurt, somebody has to make the first move.
[Her smile then, though gentle, is just a little bit wry.]
And I think that on this occasion it might just have to be you.
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)